you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
