i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
