Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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