I need to stop coming to work sober
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
