Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
