Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
