So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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