We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize