Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
