ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
