the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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