I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
