I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We are all done wearing pants today
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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