im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
