i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
