I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
