first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I know her cup size but not her name....
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
