I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
