I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
