if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
