He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
