I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
