The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
