Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
