dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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