ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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