god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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