I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
