hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
