dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
