I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
birth control should be required to get into college
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
