I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
