how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
His nipple licking is glorious
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