Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
