I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
