there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
