Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
