i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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