Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
