So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
