oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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