hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
