You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
