was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
