Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
