I wish I could punch you in the face.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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