Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I have post one night stand depression
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