why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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