I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I love you. Go after that dick
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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