if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
