i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
