You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
