Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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