porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
