Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
