Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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