Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
