If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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