Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
