I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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