remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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