I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I deserve this hangover.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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