i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
