google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
