She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
