you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
