My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
