sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
