it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
