First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
