she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
