I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
