sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize