If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
