Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
