omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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