Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
