Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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