You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize