So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Hippo gnu deer
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
