God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
