I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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