Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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