just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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