oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
