Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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