I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
