I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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