All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Randomize
