I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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