Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
